Guilty Confessions of a Disabled Person

So when I think about not being able bodied I honestly hate it. I have taken to complaining. When I say complaining I mean to anyone who will listen. At first I could not make sense of it. I know now it is a defense. I feel a need to defend myself because I always hear people say "oh your fine" or "it must be nice to not have to work". So I thought we could discuss some of my confessions. I am young. I get stared at a lot using my walker, wheelchair, scooter etc. I hate my life. I usually feel like I am a waste of space and a burden to my family. I do not have the luxury of working and yet disability feels it suited to fight me. Thus I am left feeling empty and worthless. I used to be active and useful now  I feel lazy. I cry when I spill things, break things or burn myself because I want to be independent I feel stupid and like I added to the burden. I envy old people who walk faster than me. I blame myself for being the way I am. I feel like even the people who care for me think I am in the way. if you don't use it you loose it does not apply to me I loose things anyway. I cringe when I remember I should be grateful. I beg God to tell me why even though I know better. I get through my day because of God but I do not pray enough to deserve it.