Hospital stay and random thoughts!

My right arm felt like it was on fire and it was only getting worse. I was falling more and more. I knew I needed to be in the hospital. I packed a bag prepared to stay four days.When I got there paranoia set in. I felt so out of place. The doctor wanted to send me home. As the doctor and nurse came in with my discharge papers my arm flared up. The pain was bad enough to really make me cry. they gave me morphine. They gave me Toradol. They said I would be out. Nope I was still in pain. They moved me into observation. The next day they put me into MRI...told my son and his father I would be out in 15-20 min.

They had to scan my brain, neck, upper back, and lower back. with and without contrast. I arrive in the room and to be honest they try really hard to make it comfortable but if you have ever had an MRI you know it is not fun. They have me lay down. (mind you I have done this before and while it wasn't fun I just knew I would be fine.) I laid down they put ear plugs in, head phones on me, then foam to hold my head in place and finally on went the cage. Blankets were put over my body and I was handed this squeezable call button. She informed me I was going in and need to be as still as possible. In my headphones soft music played but she could also tell me when each picture would be taken and how long it would take. I could still hear The banging and clicking of the machine as the MRI took place. I felt different My brain was not it's usual "relax this needs to happen self" I began to panic in my head. I whimpered but I made it. After a good 45 minute she pulled me out and injected the contrast. then back in the tube I went. I had ripped the call ball off the plastic tube. After another 45 minutes she pulled me out and began taking everything off saying "you did well usually I have to give the patient time out but you powered through" she joked about me breaking the ball as she just popped it back on.

I was moved back into observation. They took more blood and did so through out my stay. I was told that the MRI showed and ms flare and was asked what medication I was on for ms.

The doctor was alarmed to hear about my struggles with trying to get a neurologist and informed me I would be moved to inpatient and would be put on a 5 day steroid treatment. I agreed and signed papers. They moved me and started treatment My sister was able to stay with me. I was placed on the fall risk list but was able to have my sister watch and help me to avoid the uncomfortable alarm. They started me also on a regimen of b12, d3, and one other b vitamin.  They informed me they were going to put me on a 3 day immune globulin iv therapy. so my total stay was extended to 10 days.  I had physical therapy which I detest but went through it anyway. They said I needed to allow people to help me and began assistance with everything. They were super worried about my fall risk. To the point where my biggest rebellion is going pee alone. They are sending me a walker to be honest I am not as scared of falling as the people around me are afraid of me falling if that makes sense. I am afraid in the shower. I get yelled at  anytime I try to do anything alone. I hate being a burden though. I hear it all the time that people know people with ms that have had it longer than me that behave better about it. While the doctor was worried about my condition he did tell me he has seen worse and that now is a good time to have ms because treatment is amazing. I know I need disability but there is always a tiny voice that says I'm fine I can do it. Then there are days where I can't do anything. like even typing or talking is next to impossible. on those days I wonder who even would hire me. I'm unreliable at best, I struggle with basic tasks. anyhow I'm home now I thought it would be great so far I'm manic and have an insatiable need to throw things away  and empty my life.I know this is ending funny but I'll post updates and thoughts later.