Flying Jitters

So, I am going to Texas soon to see my family. I have been flying since I was 12. I have never been nervous about it all of the sudden I am. I am afraid of not being able to do it and embarrassed about having to have help. I thought about just doing it myself but that scares me. I fall at home all the time...falling with my son at the airport would be scary. I am trying to focus on packing but i'm worried my carry on items will not be enough. I have four, two for me and two for my son but I only have three bags so I was trying to get another bag. I found a few super cheap but then I noticed a few clerical errors so my my bank was shy...aside from this my printer stopped working and my son uses it for school. I feel like I am drowning in debt every time I get somewhere I end up back at square one....whatever. My son seems happy I have picture from his summer camp he is having a blast and when I get to go on this trip he will have even more fun I'm sure...

What I am up to

Right now I am trying to be a part of society and maybe bring in an income to help around the house. I sell crafts when I can and sell random things I get my hands on to try and make money. I was thinking about doing a vlog as well but I do not know how well it will be received. I also do not know if it will be too much for me to handle. I always feel so silly because when I think about doing thing it is like my brain is so used to just doing things. When I try to do things my body is quick to reminds me that I cannot do them anymore. I struggle with video games sometimes. I struggle at typing, remembering how to read...and spell. Often I think I can clan and do things most people do. It gets exhausting just trying to do the simple things. People around me tell me I should do things even if they are hard. I run out of breath and have to take a break on the way to and from the shower. I try not to let other people bother me. I try to remember what I was like when I could just do things so that I do not get so upset. I find myself getting upset and not being able to communicate like I could before. I like this blog though because I can see what I am saying and I do not feel so lost. I can stop and come back and just keep going. You may notice my posts can be short sometimes and other times it is longer. I feel like other blogs are so much more than mine at times. I am worried about vlogging because people will see me and I am not as put together as I might come off sometimes. I suppose if I did not want to be judged I would not put myself out there as I have. I complain a lot. Lately I have just been trying to get through each day. I have my son doing Virtual summer camp and VBS to keep him as busy as I can while doing my best to be apart of it. I feel like I am not as big of a part of his life as of late...like maybe I  push him away. I am not sure how he sees me. I often worry about me being upset so easily.  He seems happy though. I would like to vlog with him and twitch with him. I dunno we will see.