What bad days look like for me...

We have discussed average days and good days. Now, let's discuss bad days. It may get dark I feel like I should warn you. Like any day my bad day can begin any number of ways. I can sleep for days in a row just not able to really do more than take my medications. Or I can stumble out of bed and do my best to avoid falling often my family walks behind me even if I have my walker. I am not really hungry and if I am, I don't have the energy to eat. I tend to think or say dark things about not wanting to live or continue the struggle that is often my life. I struggle to read, write, type, or communicate verbally on these days. I have blurred and/or double vision. I am weak lifting a half a gallon can be hard. Aiming to sit on the toilet can be hard. I cannot focus and become frustrated easily. I talk to people who are not there, forget who I am, where I am, what I am doing. I forget how old I am, how old my son is, what day it is. It is not just hard on me either, It is hard on my family too. I see all these positive stories about people who have MS and get better... How I'm not supposed to give up. It is so hard not to. MS is not all I have to deal with. I have MS, PCOS, Complex Migraines, multiple herniated discs, depression, anxiety, gird, and, I'm obese. I feel like the last one is a stretch but anyway. My point is it gets dark and I know people around me are trying to help but sometimes when people are being nice it hurts...I don't know why. I feel bad that they can't help me and I feel like I am not doing enough. I feel like I'm lost and it's my fault. I whine a lot I know I do I try to make my posts focused on becoming healthy and doing things to be better but I just want people to understand it's hard. I love you guys for listening, I love you guys for seeing me, and I love you guys for trying to be nice and trying to help and even though it hurts it would hurt even more if people did not try.