Confusion

As I kept going I soon realized it was growing harder. My son started Preschool at an amazing local Daycare Lake county prep Academy It's amazing it's in Eustis. I would get him ready do his hair and load him up in the suv my Memaw gave me. I drove him to school. Even then I began needing help. Waking up got hard and my mom would help me. She would drive over help me get him ready and help me get him to school when it started getting too hard. Mrs. Bromfield the director was amazing. I helped them setup their website and loved being around the school. So much that I started working there. One day I was driving and I tried to stop at a stop light...Pretty basic. My foot was in the wrong spot I felt like a deer in the middle of the road. I had no choice, Although I had lived through it I decided it was not worth the chance. After all my sons life, my life and the life of anyone in the car was at risk... I stopped driving. Even as a rider I would forget where I was going or what the daily plans were. I eventually quit working at the daycare because although I loved the kids and my job I wanted these schoolers to have a teacher who could focus. I started forgetting the order of things like days of the week, months in the year, numbers even. I would forget how old I was and how old my son was. I was always confused. I would stutter, stop talking in mid sentence, Lose words in my vocabulary. I always prided myself on having an extended vocabulary. I believed in precision of language and that using less words was easier than using a bunch of tiny words to explain something. When I talk to my son I use big words. I am often judged because people think he won't understand. I believe he knows what I want and the only way for him to learn is to hear words. Why does it matter what words I use to describe the message, as long as he gets it? I mean when I think about it I have used these words since he was born. It is not like I woke up one day and changed my vocabulary. As such,  my son shocked and continues to shock people around him when he uses big words like vulgarity, exasperated, and so on. I beam every time I hear him use big words. Since, I suffer from confusion though My vocabulary is fading, my processing speed is lower than most. I often feel like when I look in a mirror I do not see the old, intelligent, confident, witty me anymore. My stories often run on and lack a beginning end and middle. Despite all of this I push on...

Auron at VPK